image Is it really that difficult for Black women to find Black men worth dating? I have heard everything from “all the good black men are locked up, are gay, date only white women.” But this is far from the truth. Most of the women uttering this nonsense are trying to live a video life. You want that thug in your life because him hustling on the corner, evading bullets and cops is exciting, until you are 18 with 3 kids and alone. Then all of a sudden there are nice black guys around. I know how easy it is to give into disgruntled feelings of distrust and affliction, especially when living single is difficult.

Women suffer not just because of this, but also because of the issues that many men bring to the table. Rather than being loved and cherished, too often do women feel that they get involved with men, only to be cheated on or abused. These types of interactions become even less acceptable when children are involved; with whom the mothers are most often left to care for. Unfortunately, the result has created more disgruntled feelings toward Black men, coming from women and sometimes children as well.

Good Black Men are indeed all around us. We pass them on the streets, in the malls, and the halls at work. Most we can’t see because we don’t know what a good man really looks like. He usually isn’t flashy enough or rich enough to turn our heads. He might not wear a suit or push a Lexus. He might not have a body like Tyson with a Denzel face. But, as you mature, you realize it’s better to find someone who’s got your back and supports you rather than someone who turns your head.

A good man doesn’t agree wholeheartedly with everything you say. He doesn’t just tell you what you want to hear and do the opposite. He doesn’t declare how sensitive, sweet, caring, sincere, etc he is (he won’t have to because it shows). He has his own opinions and yours may clash, but he doesn’t have to degrade you to prove he’s right. He even admits at times to being wrong, especially if you are willing to do the same.

A good man is not going to meet every item on your checklist. He is human with frailties and faults mixed in with all of his wonderful, strong attributes. He needs your love and respect. He needs to feel that you don’t live to catch him doing something wrong so you can declare, “Aha! I knew you were a dog!”

A good man isn’t insecure about his woman having great achievements or friends. In fact, he is her best friend and number one supporter and becomes disappointed with her when she begins to lose herself, especially for the sake of not hurting his feelings, or only wanting to make him happy. His happiness comes with seeing her excel in her dreams and accomplishing her goals. For as she excels and is exalted, a good woman will bring her good man right along with her.

A good man doesn’t necessarily give you a huge birthday or Valentine’s gift. He shows his love in the ways that are comfortable to him. Don’t judge him by TV standards. No one is really living a fairy tale. You’ll miss out on your own fairy tale by buying into the myth that our men are no good. It’s just not true.

A good black man is a man of his word. He says what he means and means what he says. His word is his bond. He never leaves you wondering if he is going to call or show up – he is dependable. A good black man has a love and a heart for a good black women. As yours and his relationship grows, so will his love with and for you grow. To all my fellow Good Black Men holding it down silently, I salute you, appreciate you and thank you for who you are and all you’ve done. There once was a time when I stood in the background and watched others overlook both my purpose and existence. All that changed when I became a single father.

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Join the conversation! 5 Comments

  1. With the Latinas of course. Just kidding.. sort of.

    Reply
    • Lmao. They and all the others are stealing us away from our black women. I don’t know if its because of the hostility in the community towards one another or the lack of respect of a black man as a man if he hasn’t been shot, stabbed or incarcerated.

      Reply
  2. That was a FANTASTIC article and I agree with almost all of it. The only part I did not agree with is the part about most women trying to live a video life. There are many good down to earth women out there that DO NOT live in a fantasy, are very real and honest about their expectations from a partner but still can’t seem to find a good man. As for the women that are walking through life with rose colored glasses on, they NEED to read this article so they can get a clue!

    Reply
    • are they really looking for a good man or a paroled con man? A friend of mine summed it up when she said that black women (and she was black) wanted a thug, preferred a thug until that thug left her with 4 kids and no help.
      Then thats when they want a nice guy. Read my “Ode to the Nice Guy”
      https://mercxue.wordpress.com/2011/06/06/ode-to-the-nice-guys/

      Reply
      • Unfortunately, a lot of women, and not just Black women have a misconstrued view of what they want in a man. NO ONE wants to date the wimpy guy, but women need to wear to draw the line. A thug is NOT the way do go. I personally want a man with enough attitude and don’t-give-a-fuck-ness to NOT allow people to walk all over him. A man should be able to stand on his own two feet, and be willing to defend his woman against anything. A thug is not the way to go unless you WANT to deal with jail time and kids he can not, or simply will not, support.

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