August 22, 2011

All Black Men Are Thugs

It’s 0430 hours and the phone beeps. I’m groggy but already awake. Who the hell could be texting me at this time? Whoever it is, knows me well enough to know that I don’t do phone calls. It’s my friend Jessica and she is texting me that she absolutely prefers black men. I smile, she always knows how to shock and awe me. Her revelation was not something new to me but combine that with the timing and I was caught off guard.

“Jess, what happened?” I ask. She replies, “nothing.” For those of you that do not have extensive experience with women, when they say “Nothing” that almost always means there is something, so strap up your boots and put on your vest, the shit is about to hit the fan. After poking and prodding it comes to light that one of her friends says that “All Black Men Are Thugs.” I laugh and tell her I need to update my job description.

Jessica is one of my Hispanic friends that fell prey to the “NEW AMERICAN” racism policy of classifying Hispanics according to skin tone. She is Light, Bright and Almost White and checks the “White Hispanic” box on job applications. Thus further promoting the racist agenda that keeps America divided. I remember when there was only 5 choices on applications, Black, White, Asian, Hispanic and Other. Now there are like ten and Hispanics in their quest to be “MORE” white and distance themselves from their immigrant background is at the forefront of this divide. They are the new David Dukes of society. I’m kind of surprised that we don’t have a White Hispanic as the Grand Dragon of the Klu-less Klutz Klan. I guess that is their next major accomplishment. Okay so I side-barred for a brief moment, let me get back to updating my job description.

I my quest to further myself and become a productive member of society I neglected to keep my GHETTO card credentials’ up-to-date. Let’s see what I am missing. Pants hanging off my ass like a fracking idiot waiting to receive jail love. NOPE! Selling drugs to White uniformed cops in “da hood” in broad daylight. NOPE! Engaged in street hustling illegal cigarettes for a loss. NOPE. Having an inability to fill out a basic form for anything. Nah! Not knowing who my father is?  Nope, Nada Zilch. Looking like Mike Tyson and fitting the description, according to NYPD before they perform CPR (Cuff, Plunger, Restrain). I guess I could appeal this point. Shiznit, I am scoring a perfect ZERO (one point, after appeal) in the game of Thug. No wonder I don’t have a successful rap career, NBA contract or play for the NFL. I need to have a talk with my mother about why I wasn’t bred to have a small brain and phenom athletic abilities.

While writing this post I remember a comment a lovely black woman once said to me. Her exact words to me, over drinks, were “You are big brained. We can’t have a relationship.” I was at a loss, so I finished my drink, excused myself to use the bathroom and kept walking out the door. I guess my “big brain” decided to leave her with the check. Anyway, I think we need to introduce her to Jessica’s friend so they can compare notes. Either, I missed my calling and there is a street corner in Harlem with my name on it or my mother lied to me abut who my father is.

The racial composition of the US population as of 2008 was 79.79% White American (65.60% non-Hispanic and 14.19% Hispanic), 12.84% African American (12.22% non-Hispanic and 0.62% Hispanic), 4.45% Asian American (4.35% non-Hispanic and 0.10% Hispanic), 1.01% American Indian or Alaska Native (0.76% non-Hispanic and 0.25% Hispanic), 0.18% Native Hawaiian or Pacific Islander American (0.14% non-Hispanic and 0.04% Hispanic), and 1.69% Multiracial American (1.64% non-Hispanic and 0.05% Hispanic). 15.25% of the total US population identified their ethnicity as Hispanic.[4]

As noted above, scholars acknowledge that some racial and ethnic minorities, particularly African Americans, are disproportionately represented in the arrest and victimization reports which are used to compile crime rate statistics in the United States. The data from 2008 reveals that, though White Americans constituted the vast majority of total arrests made, African Americans were disproportionately represented in all forms of violent crime and property crime, as well as in the three measured forms of white-collar crime, with the average rates of representation 2 to 3 times higher than African American representation in the general population. Such disparities become greater if calculating crimes per person for different races since overrepresentation for one group also means underrepresentation for other groups. The issue of disproportional minority representation in crime rate statistics has thus become a source of debate and controversy. Maybe I should live up to Jessica’s friends expectations and do my part to help support her in her ignorance.

Who wants to be robbed first? I’ll make sure to smile at the security camera while not wearing a ski mask. Then I’ll give a shout out to all my homies when my friends upload the robbery on YouTube.


Join the conversation! 2 Comments

  1. A bit of a correction* the friend was a guy who was dating my best friend. Yet no, she didn’t stop him from what he saying, she just giggled. Which is funny, because she’s dated a black guy or two herself.

    Anywho, I love how you decided to include actual statistics.

    Also, apparently I’d like to be robbed first. Take whatever you want baby, apparently my dating Black men has set me up for that.


    • Haven’t you ever heard of the term “The names and places have been changed to protect the innocent.” You aren’t innocent, so I mentioned your name.


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