Let’s state for the record that I am NOT talking about all Black women. We all know the ones I am referring to and if you take offense to this – then I guess you are the one. Ladies I am not trying to single you out or be unjustly hard on you, I am merely trying to equip you with the knowledge to reverse the trend.
Today’s black woman is exceedingly self-centered, chauvinistic, confrontational, argumentative, disrespectful and disloyal. So many black women are having problems with black men and their relationships because they are reaping what they sow.
Black women have to come to terms that it’s their unrelenting negative attitude towards men and marriage that causes black men to abandon you or avoid you altogether. You want to know why black men are marrying other races at ever increasing numbers, look no further than yourself. Marriages DON’T work for black women today because black women are always looking to other angry and bitter pessimistic black women for guidance. Instead of seeking advice from a successfully married couple or a friend in a healthy relationship they find the angriest group of black women they can find and form a bond. This always will lead to them leading you deeper into the same dismal abyss that you are trying to crawl out of. Seeking advice from people who share your negative world view is never a good idea. Especially when it comes to relationships.
Marriages and relationships take work, demand compromise and cooperation. Successfully married power couples like Bill Cosby, Ossie Davis and Colin Powell don’t stay married for 30, 40 or even 50 years by not working together, talking to each other and compromising on their relationships. Do you think that Camille Cosby, after learning about Bill’s extra marriageable affairs, didn’t get angry or maybe even think about divorce? But they talked and worked towards salvaging a relationship that took years to build, bared offspring and was easier to mend than starting over. They aren’t the only ones. My aunt and uncle have been married for 40 plus years, are off different faiths and have had their share of troubles – but they worked it out and stayed together.
The reason there are so many single black parents, specifically black mothers, is primarily because women aren’t mature enough to sustain relationships. They are always thinking that there is an easy way out and that the next guy will be better than the last. All we ever hear is women harp about the negatives of their relationships and what their man is not good for. I never hear a woman talk about how good the relationship is or was that made them decide to have a baby out of wedlock or multiple kids.
The reason so many relationships and/or marriages don’t work is that single mothers today are the result of emotional immaturity from yesterday. Allowing your kids to have sex young and being friends with pre-teen and teen mothers does not encourage them to engage in healthy relationships. If anything, it promotes self-centeredness, low standards, low morals and tell our young women that its okay to have kids by worthless men. I see mothers on the train allowing their sons to disrespect them in public but yet want to talk about how a man better respect them. How can you hold a stranger to a higher standard then your own son? How can you expect your daughters to choose a better class of man then you are choosing if you are showing her that its okay for her brother to disrespect you? The son you are allowing to disrespect you today is the lowlife thug, bum and loser of man your daughter will chose later in life. You are leading by example.
Well it’s time to face the music. I am not condoning trying to maintain a physically abusive relationship, by all means run like hell. But ladies, you knew he was no good from the jump, so why did you get involved in the first place? Wait let me guess, you thought you could change him (laughs hard).
Another problem black women have is that they try to live vicariously through Rap Video’s, Reality TV and Tyler Perry movies. This ladies is not reality or if it is, it’s not YOUR reality. These shows are all about showing the negatives of black men, black families and black relationships. Of all the positive roles that black actors play in the movies why do they only win awards when shown in a negative light? It took a white man humping Halle Berry and his father calling her a Nigger in “Monster’s Ball” and Denzel Washington playing a crooked cop in “Training Day” before they won Academy Awards.
This stereotypical behavior does nothing more than maintains demoralizing ideas about relationships and promotes shiftless behavior in our women who in turn allow themselves to become “cum-buckets” for low life men with no self-esteem and even lower education. When was it “EVER” acceptable to have to take care of a man? I have witnessed women having to fill out applications for their men and explain what each line was. Be serious now, do you really think he can hold an honest job if he can’t even spell his own name? But yet, its cool in the hood to call one of these men your man or baby-daddy.
Now you are relegated to having relationships with these same immature little boys that everyone profusely complains about because that is the only man that will tolerate her. He tolerates you and your maddening behavior because he has to. He depends on you to take care of him because he is unskilled, irresponsible, lazy and disrespectful enough to hold down any type of real job.
In other words ladies you are promoting the destructive nature by allowing yourself to raise and procreate bums, thugs, drug dealers, gang aspiring drop outs, incarcerated, irresponsible, lazy, leeching subverted men. You are addicted to dysfunction and the false bravado that endures and perpetuates the genocide. No one fights like you to be defiant and anti-family and anti-marriage. Then what do you do, you allow your daughters to create and maintain relationships with the same types of men. Then you wonder why all they aspire to in life is to take over the lease on the project apartment that you now have and struggle to pay the $68 a month rent on.
Now I am not about to let the men get away with letting the women take all the blame. But as a brother, father and uncle to young black women, I will share with you what I share with them. It is “Your” responsibility to protect yourself and raise yourself up in society by demanding more from your “SIGNIFICANT” other. No man can have a baby or force a woman to have a child against her will. But yet women want to punish the man for “HER” allowing him to have unprotected sex with her, for her NOT choosing to be on birth control or for her deciding she was going to have the child despite all the odds and hardships she would be facing.
Another slap in the face is that single mothers DO NOT respect men who try to be fathers to her kids. She thinks she is the father of her kids & OPENLY disseminates this stupidity. Moreover, single mothers will tell a man that she doesn’t need a man to take care of her and her kids, believing those children she had BELONGS TO HER and NO MAN has the right to tell her how to raise them. NOT EVEN the biological father.
Given this NOTORIOUS attitude that single mothers are NOT ashamed of, it’s safe to conclude that MOST men DO NOT leave single mothers & their children. Single mothers do EVERYTHING in their power to RUN those fathers away!
Meanwhile the aforementioned men who are in committed long term relationships persevere despite any cheating or improprieties.
- Black Women Should Look for Husbands Outside Their Race, Author Says (abcnews.go.com)
- Don’t lecture black women about marriage | Latoya Peterson (guardian.co.uk)
- the 30 & over project: Sex, Lies and The Supreme Court – The Anita Hill Case: 20 Years Later (lifestyle30.wordpress.com)
- Successful Black Women Should Marry Outside Race (theroot.com)
- How Black Women would help themselves and the black community by more frequently marrying men of other races (volokh.com)